Technology, Innovation & Telecomm

My wife insists that I have the gene. I’m beginning to believe her and I’m convinced it must have come from my grandfather. In fact, I’m sure of it.

In his will, my grandfather left me all of his computer, electronics, and Amateur Radio equipment. At the time, it really wasn’t clear to me what that meant, even having spent a considerable part of my life in his house, garage, workshop, etc. As my wife, mother, Aunt and I were sorting through things it became all too clear that he had the ability to defy the laws of the known universe: He was actually able to put multiple items into the same physical space. I swear it’s true. My wife swears it’s true. My mother swears it’s true. And my aunt swears the same thing. That much swearing must make it so.

That was in 2001.

Fast-forward to 2005. My wife and I are working towards moving to another house. As anyone who’s lived anywhere knows, when you begin that process you pretty much always begin to clean out stuff that you don’t really use or need. You assess whether various items actually have sentimental value and if you decide not, out go those goodies. We’re doing that right now and having just hauled what feels like 64,000 garbage bags to the curb for trash pickup, I can confirm that I have managed to inherit that same super-physical ability from my maternal grandfather…

I don’t know how it’s possible, in 1100 square feet, to have crammed as much stuff as I have. But indeed I’ve done it. The way that I know that I’ve acquired this dubious talent is that each time I remove an item from some location in order to throw it away, another item appears in its place. (what’s the inverse of a sucking sound?) And it hasn’t just happened once or twice in a few different places. It seems to be happening throughout the house, from the garage, to the basement, clear to the attic. I’m amazed, and the effect hasn’t abated. It’s overwhelming and so I’ve looked in the yellow pages for some kind of “junk exorcist” or something similar. They just don’t exist. My wife and I have read all the books on the proper methods for getting ready for a move, trying desperately to find a solution. I can tell you that they simply didn’t have me or my grandfather in mind when they wrote those tomes.

So, I’m an aberration. The question is: Just exactly how much real-world space will I need to contain all the items that currently fit into the multi-object space that I’ve created?

We rented a storage space. I’ll let you know.